This Saturday is my birthday. I will be 34.
I think there are people who look at their upcoming birthday and the year ahead and have ideas for what things they would like to do and how they would like to improve their lives and themselves as they embark upon a new trip around the sun. Maybe I’m lazy (okay, the ‘maybe’ part is probably a stretch), because I don’t have any grand plans for things I’m resolving to do as I officially turn one year older. I like myself and my life, for the most part anyway, and I’m quite content to just let it continue to be the way that it is.
Now, there are some things I would like to NOT do in my 34th year, to be sure. I do hope to continue to not have any grey hairs, because keeping up my roots when my hair is this blonde is already a pain and I don’t need to add any other shades to the mix.

I would also like to not go on any diets because I love food and I also love alcohol and I think anything that prohibits me from having things I enjoy is stupid. Furthermore, I would like to not put any pressure on myself to be good-looking or busy at all times or to do too many things that I don’t like doing just because someone else feels I should be doing those things. I honestly don’t know how many birthdays I’ll get to have in life, and when you don’t know how much time you’re going to get, it’s just silly to waste the time you DO have doing or thinking about unpleasant things. And if I do happen to be lucky enough to advance into old age, and I certainly hope I do get that lucky, I don’t want to look back on my life and realize that I could’ve had a lot more fun if I’d concerned myself more with what I like to do than with what everyone else thinks of me and my life. I already primarily spoilt my high school experience by trying to live up to other people’s expectations and it seems crazy to waste my adulthood in a similar fashion. And, doing too many things I don’t like or listening too much to what other people think of my life makes me enjoy being alive a lot less, and since being alive is a temporary condition I don’t have time for people and things that lead me to stop appreciating life fully.
Also, I don’t want to do any running because I hate it. There are so many things that I love to do that are healthy and active things, like dancing and riding my bike and taking walks. I like doing things that make me feel good and running is not one of those things.
I think that pretty well sums up the things I don’t want for my 34th year of life. I do always want cookies though, if someone so desires to bring me some.

Over the weekend the battery in my Garmin Vivofit died and I had no way to count my steps, which made me realize that I am in fact quite dependent on the positive reinforcement that is the hitting of a 10k step goal in a day. I could have simply replaced the battery but it turns out it takes some sort of strange battery with a name beginning with C and all the batteries I have at home have names with a row of A’s in them and to boot you have to take off the face of the Garmin with a teeny tiny screwdriver to get at the dead battery in the first place. Seriously, these screws are so small that I would need a screwdriver that would fit nicely in Barbie’s hand (and yes, it fits in Barbie’s hand and NOT Ken’s because Barbie has her shit together and in addition to being unafraid to start down new career paths she also knows her way around a toolbox. Unlike me, obviously.) to remove them.
Having no mysterious C batteries or any Barbie screwdrivers, I did the only rational thing a girl could do in this situation and marched myself to the mall to buy an Apple Watch.
Okay, I would be lying if I said I bought the thing on a whim – the price point for Apple Watches is far over my self-imposed spending limit for impulse purchases. I had wanted one for awhile but always found ways to talk myself out of getting one, but the death of my Garmin’s battery sealed the deal for me and I indulged myself.
Today I am wearing the Apple Watch and it just buzzed at me and when I looked at it, it was reminding me to breathe. At first this made me indignant because I CAN actually remember to perform such a basic life-sustaining function sans reminder, thanks Apple, but then I realized that maybe I was feeling a bit riled at myself for being so lazy that I went out and bought a new watch rather than simply changing a damn battery and perhaps I did in fact need to take some deep breaths and mellow myself.
Well played, Apple Watch, you delightful bit of modern technology. Well played. Also, this helps me feel that I needed this device in my life to look out for me.