Over the last couple of days at work, all the employees that work in my area have been attending meetings to boost employee morale and help us keep a positive attitude amid challenging and sometimes frustrating working conditions. During the course of the meeting, the instructor (others have called him Trainer Dude, so I’l go with that) discussed the people that are constantly negative and complaining. He told us that he calls these people “Poopy” and says that they want to smear their poopiness all around onto the happy people.
Toward the end of the meeting, Trainer Dude said that it was very important to be self aware, and that Poopy people may not KNOW that they are Poopy. I felt bad for the Poopy people. I mean, if Trainer Dude is right and people avoid the Poopies, how will they ever know what they are? So, for this reason, I designed an at-home self check for being Poopy.
How Poopy Are You?
1. You’re getting out of your car to get into work, when you slam your finger in the car door. Do you:
a. Smile and say, “At least I have nine fingers that DON’T hurt!”
b. Mutter swear words under your breath as tears well up in your eyes.
c. Smash your car door with your lunch box. Take THAT, you jerk of a door!
2. Ok, you free yourself from the car door and make it into your office. The receptionist greets you at the door. Your response?
a. “Salutations! Isn’t this the bestest day EVER?”
b. “Good Morning.”
c. You don’t say anything, you just flip her the bird and stalk off to your desk.
3. Which animal best represents you?
a. A puppy – thrilled to live life and excited for each new day.
b. A cow – happy to be in your pasture chewing your cud, not too overexcited.
c. The honey badger – it doesn’t give a s**t.
4. What’s your take on rainstorms?
a. I love them, of course! Rainstorms bring beautiful flowers. And there’s nothing to fear, they are just a sign that God is mopping the floor in Heaven!
b. I don’t love driving in them, but it’s nice to curl up with a hot cup of coffee and a good book.
c. Hate hate hate stupid rainstorms. Hate stupid noisy windshield wipers with their stupid scraping sounds. Hate stupid puddles. Hate stupid rain.
5. You’re sitting at a stop light, waiting to make a left-hand turn. The person in front of you seems to have a serious case of left-hand-turn phobia, and you’ve suffered through two lights already. When the light turns green for a third time and they still don’t move, you:
a. Smile happily and revel in the fact that this unexpected stop has allowed you to get some fresh air and admire the scenery. What a treat!
b. Honk your horn and mutter, “Please, please, just turn.”
c. Get out of your car and smash in the person’s taillights with the baseball bat you keep on hand, “just in case”.
You’re a bright, shining ray of sunlight. And, quite frankly, you’re going to get yourself hit by the baseball bat that other people carry “Just in case”. While it’s good to have a positive outlook, your over-the-top optimism is off-putting and a little scary. Consider Valium.
While you occasionally have a bad moment, a bad reaction, or a bad day, you’re not poopy, you’re just real. You can still have the Valium if you want, though.
Congratulations! You most definitely fit the description of Poopy. While you may worry what people will think of you after this great revelation, no worri
es: Your friends/family/coworkers began avoiding you years ago.