Looking Ahead

I knew this week would be crazy. In fact, I have to reflect on the craziness that I feel, and wonder if it would still feel crazy if I hadn’t been expecting that this week would be crazy.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I sound a little crazy right now.

I’m working four days this week, ten hour shifts each day, which will allow me to take two days off without having to use up vacation time. I’m going back to SoCal, to celebrate my mom’s birthday with my family. It’ll be a whirlwind trip (I’m flying in on Friday and back home on Monday), and the only thing keeping me from looking forward to it is my current focus on things at work. Well, and of course my knowledge of the craziness.

My plane leaves Seatac on Friday at seven in the morning, so I’ll have to be up super early to get to the airport. Once I land, it’ll be worth it: I’ll have practically the whole day to spend with my family. I just don’t do mornings well, and the knowledge that I have to wake up early usually causes me to be anxious and fear oversleeping, thus not sleeping well. I’ve had similar trouble this week with my longer shifts. Instead of my normal ten o’clock start time, I’m going to the office at eight, so I’ve been waking up at six in the morning. Six isn’t really that early, but still, I worry that I’ll oversleep.

At work, I’m focused on trying to be as productive and helpful as possible while also wondering how long I’ll be on the Jeop Desk, if I’ll have to go back on the sales floor, when…the endless unknown is driving me a little mad. I wish I knew what was going to happen. I’m not ready to go back, since I had been promised a six-month loan and had not anticipated going back to my old job until at least February. Since nothing has been confirmed, I’m trying to stay optimistic and hope for the best. I’m also trying to keep a low profile and just do my work (although I did take a quick break from this when I changed Nancy’s computer language preferences to German today).

In between anxiety over my alarm clock and work stress, I have moments where it hits me, really hits me, that I’ll get to see my family in just a few days. Then I find myself feeling wildly excited. I haven’t seen them since July, and while we text, call, and email, it’s just not the same. Dad lives in Ojai during the week to be close to his job in Santa Barbara, while Mom is still at the Apple Valley house full-time and working her job at city hall in Victorville. Dad comes home on weekends. My sister still lives with them, but my brother Steve lives with his girlfriend Shannon in an apartment across town. Since everybody is scattered about, I’m so happy that we’ll even be able to get a few days all together. We’re going to do Christmas baking, celebrate Mom’s birthday, and have a laid-back few days.

I think I need a nice, relaxing bubble bath tonight. That will help soothe my nerves and help me sleep. I only have two ten-hour shifts to go, then an early morning flight. The weekend is so very close.

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