Before Bed

Today was one of those days when I just wish I could have stayed in bed.

First of all, the wind was absolutely howling outside when I woke up, promising a day of cold weather and bad hair. My alarm roused me from a dream that was particularly odd. In the dream, I was waking up to my alarm clock (yes, weird), only in the dream, I got up and realized that Paul was home with me. This led to some healthy boyfriend-missing, and waking up and seeing that he is really still gone didn’t do great things for my mood. Yes, I’ll see him in a week. Right now I’m just very stressed and overwhelmed, and wish like hell that he could be here with me.


Paul gets the keys to our new place tonight and although he is still happy with the place, he is less happy with the amount of deposits we must pay and the $100 fee to install the garage door opener (and, yes, it IS out of the question that I will be opening the door myself, sans opener). He texts me to let me know about this but I’m out with friends (former union stewards), and we’re at Chili’s drinking tequila and reminiscing and laughing. I needed a night out soooo badly. I need to be away from packing and boxes and stress.

I’ve been in a grumpy mood the last two days and don’t see it improving, as I have to work tomorrow morning (which, yes, is Saturday) and I really don’t wanna. I have been medicating myself with cheeseburgers, french fries, and artichoke dip to deal with my grouchiness and I fear that my indulgences will catch up with me. I’m tired of talking about our move, tired of being asked if I have a transfer date, tired of being out of the loop on contract negotiations because I’m leaving. After all, I’m still an active union steward. It hurts my feelings that the union could drop me so quickly, and not care about my dedication both past and present. I’m not walking away, I’m saying that I’ll work my ass off to the very end.

Friends, however, have expressed both happiness for me that I’m leaving and sadness that I’ll be away from them. Friends make me feel normal again, and make me feel valued. I have amazing friends.

I want to be moved so that my stress level will go down. For right now, though, all I really want is to curl up in my nice warm cozy bed and not wake up for several hours.

Good night, everyone. More updates to follow.

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