Reflecting

I felt too discouraged yesterday to write my Weigh-In Wednesday post. I ate absolutely terribly for most of the last week and that reflected on the scale, which as of yesterday was at 156.2 – a 1.7lb gain from last week. I was super bummed about that and just wasn’t ready to find a positive outlook about it until today.

This morning, I regrouped. I reminded myself that I’m doing great with most of my May goals – I can still get my average calories down below 1,600 again by the end of the month if I get back on track, and I’m on pace with my Tunde arms challenge, my goal for going to the gym five days a week and my step goal. I do keep forgetting my plank! I changed the reminder from 11am to 2:30pm which has helped a bit, but I need to do the plank as soon as the notification reminds me and not put it off.

All that to say, I’m not doing as poorly as I thought and even though I really did struggle yesterday with feeling like a failure, I haven’t failed at all! I think that the part of this I temporarily lost sight of is that I am aiming for far more than achieving the monthly goals I set for myself. I am making lifestyle changes, ones that need to stick forever. I was flipping through ‘The Skinny Rules’ by Bob Harper and something he wrote stood out to me so much that I actually created a note with the quote and saved it in my phone.

You’ve got to make a break. You’ve got to divorce yourself from the past and find a different way of living. And you can never go back.”

My body is the way that it is because of the way I’ve been living. I think I was trying to shoehorn changes into my life without altering my lifestyle, and it’s simply not working. I don’t know why I thought it was better to continue putting myself in situations where I’m practically conditioned to indulge in too many calories (like dinner at a Mexican restaurant where I always have too much food and margaritas), rather than finding new things to do so I wouldn’t tempt myself. But I realize now that it was never going to work, that I couldn’t expect myself to follow the same patterns but suddenly and swiftly make different choices. I know now that if I want to feel better and make improvements to my life, I have to step out of the patterns I’ve developed for myself.

I feel like I have hope again. Making a lifestyle change is hard and scary, but I also truly believe I’m going to be so much happier and healthier for doing it!

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